Day 95- Friday, April 13th, 2012

Day 95- Friday, April 13th, 2012

Today I LITERALLY ran away. I ran away to Sereno. Where there is nothing to do, so I just sat there in the park, under the gazebo, fuming about the events of the past week. Im tired of all of this. Luckily I was enough in my right mind to grab my notebook and pen before I left the house in the morning. The second I put my pen to the empty page. Its like everything that I had bottled up inside me exploded onto the pages beneath the weight of my rapid moving hand across the page. It felt liberating to release everything like that. I've been in that house now for 1 week and 2 days. All in all. Here in Panama for 3 months and 3 days! And I was at my limit. I took my time, contemplating every word before I scribbled it down on my paper. After about an hour or so, I was done writing. I sat back, watched a few people for a while. Until I mustered up the courage to look at my work. I couldn't help but feel a WEE bit guilty about the words on my page. But at the same time, of course, I was VERY proud of myself. And I had finally had that release. It gave me something, I've been needing for a while. Something I've needed for 3 months and 3 days. Something I've needed for some odd 95 days and counting (har har har but who really counts the days….I do! Thats who!). do you know what it gave me? Peace of mind. And all of a sudden, I was somewhat calm. And I realized I CAN do this! Whatever I am dealing with at my house, like always, can be overcome by my words on a blank page. Like my newest creation confirms, I can and WILL do it. I will succeed here! And all of a sudden I felt confident about my remaining time here! I can and WILL do this! Thats when the rain started… at first a few drops here and there and then about 45 minutes later, the park started flooding in a few areas. And there I was sitting in the gazebo, just waiting there. The last bus made its round and didn't see me from the gazebo, although I was trying to flag it down! The poops! But it gave me a reason to walk in the rain. Which helped me release a little more of my stress. The only thing I needed now was to be left alone for a little bit more, and by the time I got back to the house I would be perfectly fine! :) About 1/3rd of the way to where the bus was I realized how luck I was that I did NOT bring my computer with me seeing as not only was I literally soaking wet from head to toe but my backpack was starting to feel heavy from the water that was seeping through. My Apple would have been completely fried to DEATH if I had brought it with me. After I was about ½ way to the bus. The only thing that wasn't wet was the part of my pants on my legs where my butt kind of makes like a little shelter from the rain. Haha! Everything else was soaking wet. I jogged the rest of the way just to get some energy out. Plus the water felt so good, and the only thing better then walking in the rain is jogging or running in it! The bus was parked on the side of the road, so I climbed in after ringing out my hair, pant legs, and shirt. Thankfully the seats are plastic, so no one cares if they get wet. I sat back in my chair and thought. 'I just need to sit here in silence,listening to the rain on the roof. And letting all the emotions run off of me.' But NO! After I got on, so did Mr. Rico-Suave and he was all like "Beautiful! Your all wet!" he tried to make conversation, but I didn't let him. Finally after a few minutes I just told him. "Could you just give me a few minutes alone." he looked in my eyes and then all of a sudden was like "Ok." and got out of the bus. 'Wow!' I thought, how did that work exactly?!  That shouldn't have worked, right?" But I was back to just thinking about my normal thoughts, when I felt something hit my leg. I opened my eyes and there he was, smiling. 'I KNEW IT!' I thought. 'It was too good to be true.' But I had no idea what was about to happen. But I was right it was almost to good to be true. 

"Don't worry" he said "Im not going to stay."

"Ok," I said. What else was I suppose to say?

"Here" he said handing me something. "This is for you." What could he possibly be handing me? I opened my hand and starred down at his present. Does anyone have any idea what it was?! Go on guess! …ok I will tell you… I opened my hand and starred down at his present. In my palm sat a small little square, that said "Rico" on it. Coincidince?! Maybe, and then again maybe NOT! :) ha seeing as it was from Rico-Suave. Anyways, I looked down and as I was thinking what? he says…

"Its for you."

"What is it?" I asked, starring down at it. Unsure what to do with it, cause I didn't know what it was. 

"Its chocolate." he says, in the most genuine sweetest voice I have EVER heard. I looked up and said "Thank you" but he was already gone. I watched him walk across the rainy street and stand in a doorway to one of the stores, looking back at my window, of his bus. 'OH NO!' was the first thought in my mind. 'Now he is NICE TOO!!! No puede ser!' But its true! Mark it down ladies, Mr. Rico-Suave is nice! That makes him a very awesome resume, but that means it makes it WORSE for me. Cause THAT is not a good thing for me! I bet you he did that on purpose! I called him on his junk before, he knows I know what kind of person he is. And now he is trying to show me he is really a good guy! OR is he actually a really nice good looking guy who seems to be a little sweet on me. But is now seemingly completely sweet and an actual nice guy. GASP! Or is that what he WANTS me to think?! I spent the bus ride home trying to figure him out, and I can't! Which made me just more confused! Shannon Miller! ''I DONT GET IT!"