Day 81- Friday, March 30th, 2012

Day 81- Friday, March 30th, 2012

Super long day for me today. I have 5 ½ hours that I got today. Im ecstatic! I got today, something that I've needed. An extra unexpected surprise that made me happy! :) Today we went to see my study, Osiris! I have been very distracted lately, and although I did prepare for the study. I sat down wondering what the lesson was about. I can't concentrate lately. Anyways, there I was. We began chapter 2 today. I asked her to read the first paragraph and she says…

"Actually…umm…I was wondering if instead you could just ask the questions and I could just tell you the answers."

"Uhh…" I replied like an idiot. 

"Because look!" she said without missing a beat. "I already studied." She showed me the pages that followed. The answer underlined in pen. "Is this ok?" she asks now unsure. 

"Yeah!" I say in amazement. 

"What about this part?" she asks now showing me that she noted the scriptures in the margins of the book. "Is this ok? I wasn't sure if I could do this or not." 

"No!" I say "Its perfectly fine that you did this. Thats what this book is for. Your learning more about the Bible. Thats exactly what your supposed to do with your book! Its really really good." She seems relieved. I know its something small but I am super pumped about it. Normally, I have to show my students how to study. I have to explain it to them. And usually I am the one that suggests for them to study ahead so we can just do a Q &A study. And talk about the deeper things. And she just started Chapter 2 and is already doing everything that I wasn't expecting her to do until at least Chapter 10 or 11, IF she even decided to do it then! Crazy awesome. This is just what I needed! This is awesome! We were walking back down to the bottom of the town (remember everything here is on hills), when Mr. Rico-Suave's bus passed. Neither me or Mileydis were really paying attention to the sound of it coming up behind us. So neither one of us flagged it down. But as he past he smiled, waved, and winked. And thats when I lost my ecstatic-ness, that I oh-so wanted to keep. Luckily, Mileydis didn't say anything, but she just looked at me. No words were needed, her look said it all. I'm not sure if it would have been better for her to say something, or just stay quite. 

'You know him?' she started after we walked a bit in awkward silence. 

'Well…not really.'' I replied honestly. We walked in silence for a bit more. Until she broke the silence with the comment…

"You need to be careful with him." Thats all she said. And we walked in silence until we came down to the store. The silence made me fidgety, nervous, anxious, and for no apparent reason I started to feel guilty. And I say no apparent reason. Because there isn't really a reason for me to feel guilty about anything at all in relation to him. But I still felt guilty. Does she maybe think that, there is actually something going on there? Oh lord, I hope she doesn't think that. But again I don't know what _____ might have told her, about what she thinks is going on. I guess I feel guilty just knowing they might be thinking those type of things about me. I certainly hope they don't. But I am overcome with guilt. And I suddenly feel like running away to my room, then I remember the house I am staying in, is not my home, where my room provided comfort. No, the room here, is just a room, also full of tension and anxious thoughts. And now guilt. This is why I don't like Mr. Rico-Suave. This is why I don't like him one bit. Now he's making it awkward between me and Mileydis. No. I do not like him one bit! He needs to leave me alone, he needs to go back to whatever gorgeous testosterone filled palace he is from and leave me alone! All I can think about as we walk is him, and how I could Christian-like destroy him. But nothing comes to mind. The poop! When we get down to the store, Myka is there. :) I love Myka! She is awesome! She tells us she is stocking up on the products in her store because of the game. 

"Game?!" I say hopefully and suddenly interested. "What game?! Where?! When?!"

"The baseball game here on Sunday." she replies. BASEBALL GAME!! Just what I need to take my mind off of my ever-growing-problems! I could definitely use, a mindless few hours just watching a live baseball game. And on Sunday! I will already be down here for meeting, I can just come after the cleaning and mindlessly watch the game. YES! Thank you baseballers! But when I ask Mileydis if she wants to come with me to watch the game on Sunday, I know something is wrong with what I just purposed we do. 

"I am NOT going to the game!!" she says in horror. 

"Why?" I ask. "You don't like baseball?"

"No." she says. "I don't like baseball. I am NOT going to that game!"

''Okay" I say somewhat hurt, that she would respond like that "Well you don't have to come with me, if you don't want." She looks at me with a more horrified face, then I thought possible. 

"You can't go to the game!'' she says as if its illegal. 

"Well Im not gonna play. Im just gonna watch." I say. Why is she acting like this, I wonder. She just stares at me. I don't think I will be getting answers from her, as to why its impossible for me to go to watch a baseball game. I look at Myka. She is watching us both, going back from me to Mileydis. "I can't go to game?" I ask ½ confused ½ disappointed. Mileydis is silent. So Myka takes her place in the conversation. 

"Its not the custom here. For us to go watch the games." she replies. I can tell she doesn't want to say anything to make me feel bad. So she is trying to walk on eggshells right now, choosing her words carefully. 

"Why not?" I ask in amazement "Its just a game."

"Well…"she says thinking before answering. "Its not the best environment there, because people drink and smoke and use foul language. So none of us go…ever." And thats when the small window of hope I had for a mindless activity is shattered. Thats when I died. Bahaha! No just kidding. But I was very disappointed and confused. They tell me a little bit more. But none of it makes sense. Its just a game I think. I ask what if I went alone and sat in the grass a ways of, just watching. WORSE! Myka explains if any girl, especially me, would go by herself and sit a ways off, men would swarm like ants. What she meant when she said 'especially me' I have no idea. 

"You know" she says "because your…" And my face shows I don't understand what is so different between me and other girls. I am convinced that they would leave me alone. Seeing as well…come on… its me! And thats when she and Mileydis say at the same time the most confusing thing they could have possibly said. Like the most confusing thing I have EVER heard, EVER! EVER!! As if on cue, they say together sounding  very confident and matter-of-factly. 

"Because your beautiful!" they both say. Wait what?! What just happened?! What did they just say?! I look at them in the mod bewildered face I think I have ever had. They look at me then look at each other saying with their faces. 'she doesn't know?' This whole conversation is confusing to me. And I don't like being confused. So I end up staying confused and irritated for the rest of the day. I go to bed relatively early and all my dreams are about me being confused and not being able to figure anything out. Now its 2 in the morning. And I have tossed and turned and been confused all night. And I am no longer tired. So I am writing this out. This is it, a FULL account of today. I am going to try to go back to sleep but I don't think I will be able to. Either way. Thats how Day 81 ended.