Day 94- Thursday, April 12th, 2012

Day 94- Thursday, April 12th, 2012

"There is not a better way to spend our life other than in the service of others! Jehovah's blessing, sweets! Love, Mom ❤" Thats the message I found in my agenda today. :) It made me happy and made me smile. Which is something I greatly needed! Today was SUPER stressful, no one went out today cause its Thursday. I stayed home also, studied for the meeting. Cleaned my room and tried to imagine a different place, far from here. The couple has really been piling on the mean-ness. I don't know how Leti and Rebe are going to be able to stand it for 3 more months… heck! I don't know how I am going to stand it for 3 more months. Unless I find something that doesn't break any Bible laws or principles, doesn't cause me any physical, mental, or emotional pain, but can still get my mind completely off of what is happening at the house. Something to burn through the tension. and blow of steam. But I have nothing like that here. I didn't bring my painting stuff. I can't write anything, because Im TOO stressed to write. I can't draw to save my life. Crocheting got tedious after like the first month! I need something but don't know what. I was walking to meeting, trying to think of something I could start doing. And my thoughts went like this. "I need something to blow off the tension and stress there is at the house. Something to take away my anger and anxiety. Something that will give me enough adrenaline to be able to stand being in that house. Something new, that I haven't tried here yet. Something interesting. Something to distract me. And ultimately make me feel good about myself and whatever I am doing. Something… Something like…. Hmm… Something awesome, new, interesting, and exciting. Something I can spend my time and all of my extra energy on. Something active, something to get my blood pumpin! Something like…" And just like that Mr. Rico-Suave passed by in his bus, winked at me and smiled. "Hmm something like….UH-OH! Thats a definite NO! Add to the list. Something that won't break any Biblical laws or principles…THERE he is crossed off the list…SELF! You need to be more careful with how far you let your mind wonder!" And then I was at the hall. And I stopped thinking, which probably was for the best. One my way back home I thought. "Either way I need SOMETHING! Just not THAT! THAT will get you no where. THAT will get you in trouble. Sure it would be fun, new, exciting… (then I listed off, everything I had on my list that would be accomplished with THAT) BUT ( I summed up this conversation) THAT is not a good thing for you right now. Well like ever! Not with THAT! Self, come on! Whats your problem?!" Then I was home. And another bloodless emotional damaging bloodbath started. Which made me REALLY REALLY want something to take my mind off the present. I don't know what Im going to do, guys. Im dying here!