Day 92- Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

Day 92- Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

Its done…Its 2:42 am on Tuesday morning and I have finished Book 3…It took me less time to read this one then the other 2. The first book took me 8 hours. The second book 7 hours. And this Third Book about 6 hours. Thoughts on book Number 3…Im not speechless but I am confused as to what to think. Its done…Its over. The series of books that consumed me for a week, literally consumed me…I was Katniss…I was. And now its over…My salvation in their world is gone. And I will not be the same…Its disappointing, not only how vague the ending is. But how it ends. Of course, it makes sense that is how it would end, I knew that is how it would end. But…its not right. So many things are left unsaid…What finally became of her mother, what happened to Gale. Of course she couldn't pick him. I knew this from the beginning. I know it because I couldn't have picked him. I wouldn't have picked him. I didn't pick him, and I was her. I was Katniss…there are so many chapters left un written. Some many stories left un-told…Im going to bed disappointed. And I am sure I will wake up in 3 hours disappointed as well…Thats the ending? Thats my ending? True there was not enough space for a 4th book. But there could have at least been another few chapters. At least another 3. It leaves off so empty and the Epilogue is 15 years after the final sentence? And at that you have only a few paragraphs? No. Katniss deserves a better ending. Peeta deserves a better ending. I deserve a better ending! That is not even close to a fit ending. Where is the feeling? Where is the spark? Where is that girl who was, is the mocking jay? Its not right. Dissapointment is a almost as vague a feeling as the ending of the book. They deserve a better ending! We deserve a better ending! This is just not right. Its not right Suzanne Collins. How could you think it was right to end it like that?! You got bored didn't you?! You got bored and sloppy and its not right. Its just not right. 

Wow! Long day! Ok so after service today which was 4 hours by the way. I came back home and showered up, got new fresh clothes on which is one of the best feelings in the whole world. Especially when you feel all muggy and nasty. So I got all dressed and feeling good. When a certain someone should up to chill with Him and Her. Basically the one person who dares do this, is someone who in many MANY ways is VERY Much like the sister. At the beginning we didn't know this, until just recently. But now that we know, well we know! Anyways, this person came to visit with them. And although they all knew I was still here in my room, within listening distance it suddenly changed from social hour, to 'lets-see-how-much-junk-we-can-talk-hour. It was not pleasant. but hey at least I know what they think, right?! Anyways, after about 30, 45 minutes I couldn't take it anymore. And although I wasn't even completely ready to leave, I left early and went next door to the store front with Myka, she no longer asks if me or the other 2 ladies show up with out a valid reason. She just has to say how are you. And I suppose the looks on our faces explain why we are there. So he tries to cheer us up and usually succeeds cure she is awesome like that. :) Anyways, I went to wait with Myka at the store, waiting for the bus. We waited for about an hour which was expected, but still better then listening in the house. Well the bus finally comes and who is the driver?! Yes SYLVIA, its Mr. Rico-Suave! 'Great' I think. 'Perfect timing for him to be his slimy-self, right when I am great need of a cry and emotionally broken…but maybe just maybe his sliminess will help me to forget whats happening….just maybe'. Well there were lots of people on the bus thankfully so I didn't have to face him one on one and ones helper. Haha that sentence was confusing!  Although there were lots of people on the bus, the seats farther away are always taken up. People apparently prefer to yell over the other passengers heads and conversations to talk to the bus drivers, rather then actually sitting close to them. And they wonder why everyone knows everyone else's business. Ha! OK anyways, once everyone is off the bus, we had about at least 10 more minutes to drive before we got to my destination. I can't be certain but I THINK he purposely drove at the speed of a snail. He wanted to know how I was, and because there was like no sun whatsoever I didn't have my sunglasses on so he could see my eyes. For anyone else this wouldn't be a problem but for me, and I am working on this, my emotions are written out very clearly in my eyes. Which is not good, and why I am working on it. By the way, I am getting a lot better at hiding my emotions from my face. Once I get that down, no one will ever be able to see what exactly I am feeling or thinking. Which is good. :) Anyways, he says… 

"How are you beautiful." 

"Fine, Liar. How are you?" I reply jokingly. I am trying to avoid all eye contact possible! Well that trying unfortunately doesn't last as long as I would like. 

"Hey" he says, looking at me again. "How are you?"

"Im fine." I say looking at him for the first time that ride. His expression is confusing to me. At first he is all smiley and then it changes instantly to concern. 

"Are you sure?" he asks. "What wrong?" Now the helper is also looking at me concerningly. 

"Your not fine." the helper says. "You look sad." 'UGH!' I think 'Shut up helper-man". But its true. 

"No" I say, like always. "I am fine. Really." I need to change this conversation because I can feel the covers of my yes tingling, and I know if don't change the conversation fast the tears will come and their will be no stopping them, until…well…until they stop…but at their own pace. Which after being here a week, I think will be a lot. Unfortunately. "And how are you guys?" I say changing subjects. I look at the helper-guy who is still looking at me concerned, but apparently realizes i do NOT want to talk about it. 

"Im good" he says. "A little tired." OK gotta keep this from going back to me. 

"Why are you tired?" I ask him. He seems to be happy with talking about himself for a bit. So he goes off to tell me. Because their bus route ran late last night. They didn't finish until around 8:30 and then they had to clean the bus and he still had to go back to Rio Sereno, to his house. News to me! I thought he lived here. We are almost at my stop, so I decide to keep the conversation going. Better with him then with Mr. Rico-Suave who is just listening waiting for a pause to say something. I am determined he won't be able to. haha! Anyways, the helper-guy tells me that his family lives in Sereno and he stays there sometimes. But he lives with his girlfriend in Rio Sereno so he goes back and forth. I don't really care but pretend to actually want to know about him and his life. PWAHAHA! Im pretty good at pretending when the conversation is not directed at me. We are coming up to my stop, the last one of the town. And I take my wallet out to pay the helper-guy and his phone rings. 

"Hang on" he says "Its my girlfriend" and with that he jumps off the now almost stopped bus and begins to talk with her. GREAT! Now I am on the bus alone with Mr. Rico-Suave! Man! Why does he always smell so good?! 'Ok' I tell myself 'Breath women!' I suddenly realize its been like over a minute that the helper-guy has left and Mr. Rico-Suave isn't talking. Why isn't he talking? It seems so un-natural for him. I look up and I see why. He is watching me. ' Ya know if he won't so WOW! I wold be completely freaked out.' I think to myself. 

"Whats going on?" he asks, "Why do you look so sad." 

"Im not sad" I tell him. Thinking 'Uh-oh what do I say'

"You look sad." he says matter-of-factly. "see!" he pulls down one of the mirrors of the bus and point it at my face. WOW! he is right I do look sad. Ok what am I supposed to say now?! He has showed me proof that I look and am sad. "You miss your family?" 

"YES!" Thankful for his help on that. "I really do miss my family" 

"How long have you been here?" he asks

"3 months today."

"Thats a long time. How long do you have left?"

"3 more months."

"Do you think you can stay that long?"

"Yeah." I say "I just miss them is all." 

"Well" he says, "Whenever you miss your family a whole bunch. You can always come to my house." This takes me back! Wasn't expecting that at all! Should I have?

"Mmm." I say, unsure of what I want to say. "Well… Thank you for that offer. But I will be fine."

"You don't want to come to my house?"

"No." I say very matter-of-factly. 

"Why not?!" His tone is almost hurt. 

"Well…because I don't even know you." DUH! He smiles and shakes his head. 

"Thats true." All of a sudden he grabs my hand and shakes it. "Dorian…and your Margarita" 

"How do you know my name?!" I ask appalled. But he just smiles. 

"Now we know each other." he says. 

"Well yeah I guess so. But we don't actually know each other, so no thank you."

"Right." he says thinking. "We need to be friends first, right?" First?! But all I do is shake my head yes. "Ok…Friend…We can be friends." Why am I sitting here for? Why have I not gotten off the bus? Then the helper-guy climbs back on. 'Oh thats why!'

"You feel better now?" asks the helper guy, smiling at us. AWKWARD! I pull my wallet back out to pay. 

"I don't feel better' says, I guess, Dorian. 

"why not?" says helper-guy. 

"Because I am still sick." he replies sounding very sad. 

"Your sick?" I ask, suddenly very conscious of the fact that he shook my hand.

"Yeah." he replies sticking out his bottom lip and giving me puppy eyes. 'run, get off the bus' is the only thing that flashes through my mind.

"You should probably take medicine." I say standing and stepping out of the aisle. 

"I don't like taking pills." he says, watching me. 

"Well then don't take pills, take an injection" I say grabbing my stuff. 'Get off the bus' flashes.

"Even worse!" he cries. 

"Then how do you think you'll get better?!" I ask him. HELLO! If he doesn't take medicine he won't get better.  

"I have my own type of special medicine" he says. "All I have to do, is get a really REALLY good kiss. And I am all better." he smiles hopefully and puckers up. 'RUN!' 

"HA!" I laugh stepping away and getting closer to the door, "Well go find one of your girl…I mean friends to give you your medicine. and you'll feel better." I say dropping my money in the helpers hand. 

"Stupid!" his helper says. "She's not a doctor!" Thank you Helper-Guy. "But maybe she's a nurse." Oh come on Mr.Helper-guy! Are you doing this because I don't know your name and have been calling you 'Mr.Helper-Guy'?! Either way CUT IT OUT! He has my change and Im waiting for it. He smiles and says. "Are you a nurse?" 

"No." I say, "Im not a nurse. But I AM in a hurry." I say looking at my wrist, which has nothing. He laughs. This of course is a lie. Im not in a hurry to get to the brothers house, but I AM in a hurry to get of this bus!  

"Sorry man!" he says back to Dorian, "She's not a doctor or a nurse" finally dropping my money into my hand.

"Too bad!" Dorian says. "Maybe you can learn how to be a nurse?"

"Nope! Sorry. I have never wanted to be a nurse or doctor." I say stepping off the bus. "Maybe he can help you." I say gesturing to the helper. They both laugh. The bus starts back up as I turn around to leave. The horn honks and I turn my head back to see the both of them blowing kisses. 

"Adios mi amiga!" Dorian calls after me. I don't think I have ever walked so fast away from anything. I was about a mile down the road before I stopped walking so fast. Mr. Rico-Suave strikes again! Haha. There ya go Sylvia! YES!!! THAT SERIOUSLY HAPPENED!!! My thoughts are…EWWW! GROSS!! NO!!! NASTY!!!! YUCK!!!!! NO!! SICK! :) haha

I walked to the Quintero's house and met up with Rebe and Leti on the road. A visit with the family is just what we all needed! We actually laughed. There was no tension or bad thoughts, just laughter, a wee bit of wine, and some cheese bread. YUM! We looked through some of Leti's pictures and by that time it was kind of late so Nixon drove us back home. We came inside and went right to bed. We really needed the visit with the family. But I have a strange feeling, we will be making up for the fun, with something drastic. But for this specific moment in time. We are all happy. :) Goodnight Day 94!