Day 121- Wednesday, May 9th, 2012

Day 121- Wednesday, May 9th, 2012

So today was…interesting. I went out in service today with Leti and Hermana Leticia, then I came home and FINALLY FINALLY got to do an INSANITY workout. I have been feeling down lately and I have decided that I need to start working out again. So I did my work out, showered ate some food and then I started writing out on paper my talk, for my householder and myself. When I was done writing it out I looked down and realized I had written it all in English. How I did that I have no idea, because the talk on my computer is in Spanish. So I don't really know what was going on there. Maybe its cause I have had the worst headache I have ever had since I have been here. NOT COOL! I went to practice with Hermana Leticia and got another interesting thing happen to me. She kept stopping in the middle of her script saying. 'No. We are gonna change this.' and 'No. We are going to write this differently.' and 'No. I wouldn't actually say this.' it was VERY stressful. Then she asked me what my point of counsel was on, I answered honestly that I couldn't remember because of my headache and she said 'Hmm…Message me later with the point of counsel so I know how I can fix this.' Seriously?! Inside I went all California on her, I was all like 'Dude! I have been on the Theocratic Ministry School and giving talks since I was 5 years old! Im gonna be 19 in a few months. That 14 years that I have giving talks and have passed all but like 2 I think. And those 2 were like 7 years ago! I am pretty sure I know how to write a talk.' But on the outside I was all like, 'Ok sister.' and 'Thats a good point, sister.' and 'Maybe we will change it to your suggestion.' She also wanted to change the introduction so that instead of being my grandmother and us sharing our beliefs she wanted to say 'Well when Yorlenis came last week, I didn't understand what she was saying. Can you explain it better?' I almost laughed at her. Its true that last week she also had the part with Yorlenis that was right before this subject. But is this lady trying to get me killed?! Not only would I be saying I was a better teacher then Yorlenis. But I would be throwing it in her face, that I have more experience writing and giving talks and therefore my talks sound more life-like and realistic. In my California mind I was all like: "Oh yeah awesome idea! And we could also call Dorian and have him sit next to me at the meeting! Or you know we could call Alex and invite him from Volcan to come here my talk. Or you know we can dress me up and make-up me up so that I look a million times better then her and rub it in her face. Or Oh yeah! OR I can go into the kitchen right now and grab a knife and stab myself in the back, so as to die quicker! COME ON! Are you insane?! Whats the matter with you?! You tryin to get me killed you psycho freak!"  I was all dying and everything inside! And by the time I left my head was throbbing and I had an undecided time for tomorrow for her to come to my house to 'fix' my mess of a talk. I could barely focus on walking when I came back home and almost tripped like 4 times. And then when I got to the bridge I just stood there looking over and the rocks and water beneath for like what felt like an hour but I think it was like 3 minutes. A car horn from somewhere on the road brought me back, and I smooshed my way up the road, to the store, where I say Mayka's helper lady drinking a coup of coffee. So I smooshed my way home, all zombie like a the first thing I did was put on a pot of coffee. When I had my cup of close to black coffee I smooshed my way back to the store and just chilled there for a while. Across the ''street'' some dudes were playing soccer. Shirts and Skins. But I wasn't going to go admire them or anything. BUT since I didn't know anyone who was playing anyway, I admired from a distance. Aura saw me and started laughing, but mainly because she was admiring too. Which is just a tad bit disturbing cause she is like 30 and is married with children. And the guys playing were like in their 20's…hmm I guess its not THAT disturbing. NEver mind then. Then I came back ho…to the house. After I bought a fruit punch. I got a little plate of left over dinner and poured the fruit punch in a cup added a wee bit more then a wee bit of 'Seco Herrera' and I was good to go, I sat on my bed and watch 'Persuasion' again! Felt very much alone in the world and drank another wee bit. And then I died…Obviously not! When my movie was over, I went to the bathroom area and brushed my teeth and then came back into the room and am now going to sleep. Today was stressful. I hope tomorrow will be better, but I feel like its gonna be another stressful day.