Day 115-Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

Day 115-Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

Well today, I did it. I stayed in bed like a bum until 8 o'clock!! And then I was bored of sleeping in. Haha. So I got up, again there was no water! Day 3 without running water. I made a mix of a breakfast, which was surprisingly very healthy! An egg, ½ a delicious mango that Osiris and Daniela gave me, some banana slices, and a handful of Corn Flakes! :) It was quite good! Then I went and got a bucket of creek water and brought it back to the house and washed ALL the dishes that have accumulated, because yesterday the ladies washed NOTHING! Because they didn't want to go get water. Nice right?! Anyways, I washed all the dishes cleaned the kitchen. Then went and got two buckets of water and showered in creek water. It was weird. haha. Then came back out, changed into my comfy blue shirt and my Elvis boxers and swept the whole house and outside in the back. When I went to sweep the outside in the front I realized how again dirty it looked. I also now know I am the only one that cares about what the front of our house looks like. So I swept the concrete porch and steps and then went back inside and got a plastic bag and started picking up the garbage. That is the only bad thing about living next to a store, is that the people walking this direction have just enough time to open their wrappers, eat the contience and then throw it on our patch of grass. Not cool! But, whatever. I cleaned it all up. When I finishing up I found a good amount of rope. So I went into the store with Mayka to ask her if it was hers and if she wanted it. There were 2 older gentlemen there and they were talking about the 'Loco' that was there last night. Since I had no idea what they were talking about I asked the three of them who was the loco. The older gentlemen started laughing and started talking about how a few years ago, he wasn't crazy. Then one decided to inform us that in a few years he is going to take the place of the 'Loco' because everyone is super nice to him. We started laughing and then both the guys had to go back to work or whatever they do with their time. One of them told me he could take the garbage and I was like 'Oh ok…thanks.' Saves me a trip to burn it! So thats awesome! So I asked Mayka who was the crazy. Well she says. 'He is always picking up the garbage outside of the store and he never has shoes on.' We both looked down at my bare feet and bust out laughing. 'And he is always in his boxers!' She said making us laugh harder. Oh good I guess I am THE loca here. haha But its not like I didn't know that already. Well while we were laughing we heard water running and saw that the water came back on. So I had to run back to the house, because everyone in my house, checks every morning if the water is running and when its not they leave the faucets on. So I ran to the 4 different faucets we have and shut them all off and went back to the store. Where she told me I should go and dump out the buckets of creek water and fill them with the running water. So I did. Then I emptied the buckets of the couple and filled them too. When I finished I went back to the store. Mayka said she had some more buckets for us in her house. So I went through the store and into her house. But there were none. So she told me that she would bring them to us later. I said ok. So I started walking back through the store, I could hear the bus coming and then stop as someone got on. Well when I got to the entrance of the store guess who it was? Yup. Mr. Rico….Dorian. I froze and suddenly became extremely conscious of being in my boxers. Haha. He was looking the other way, so I basically sprinted to around the corner of the store. Then I jumped over all three steps, which would have been surprising if I didn't almost biff it as I landed. But I kept going, sprinted to the door, pushed it open and jumped inside. As I turned around to close the door, I saw him starring at me. He just saw me sprint away from him, jump over 3 steps, almost biff it, and then jump into my house. He was smiling, obviously holding back some sort of laugh at how pitiful I just looked trying to get away from him. Nice! So, what could I do? I slammed the door!! As it was closing I saw him start laughing. Good lord! I hope no one else was looking at me, to see me do that. Haha. I came inside, and Rebe asked 'Why did you slam the door?' So I told her, and she started laughing. 'And your in your boxers!! BAHAHAHA!!" Thanks! Anyways, now I am telling all of you about it. So that I can again be laughed at…Why do I tell you guys so much embarrassing stuff?! Thats a good question, why do I? Ah yes, because I am good at making people laugh. :) 

I do realize though that lately you guys probably not laughed much at what I have written here, sorry about that. :( Imma try to keep it positive and embarrassing. haha. OH JUNK!! I just realized what time it is!! Its 12:51. Our meeting starts at 4. and I haven't studied anything yet! And its the review!! 

---Back from meeting---

So I feel like everything was just explained to me…probably cause it was. Okay start from the beginning. There are obvious problems going on with two people here. We will call them #1 and #2. Well, I was all for throwing in the towel and basically giving up on the fact that they would hate me for the rest of my life. Although, I have done nothing to deserve or bring on this hatred from them, I can do nothing about it. Well this is what I learned tonight, something that was SO obvious to Rebe and Leti from comments and actions of #1 and #2. So this is what I learned and was shocked by. #1 doesn't hate me. She is terrified of me. She is terrified that I have the power to take something away from her, in a blink of an eye, if I wanted to. Thats why she acts like she does. She is terrified that I could destroy everything for her. Mainly her marriage-life. I have no idea why, but she is terrified that I could win over her husband if I wanted to. Apparently she doesn't realize that just because I like older guys DOES NOT mean like grandpa-old. It means like…well not THAT old. Anyways, she told the other girls here, a few different things. And they put it the story together and then BAM! They realized why she gets so mad when her husband is nice to me. Why she doesn't happen to like me as a person. And why she always seems to be blocking her husband from me. She's scared of the "power" I might have. This fact, explains so much. But also makes me sad for her. And also somewhat guilty about whatever I might have done to make her feel like this. And it makes me feel even more guilty when I realize I haven't done anything. I have just been being myself and that terrifies her. Its sad, right?! Very much so. #2 does kind of hate me, but not for the reasons one would think! Well actually I have no idea what other reasons there might be but whatever. She dislikes me because every time she sees me, she sees what she isn't. Every time she sees me, its like Im 'not purposely, but naturally' rubbing it in her face, what she isn't. I am not sure exactly what she sees in me that makes her so mad about, but its something. I have no idea what she could see in me though. The only things I can tell off the bat…off the back… off the something… are the things that define her for her. She is actually very much how I USED TO BE, before…well…before I changed for the better about a year or so ago. Before, I was super hot-tempered like seriously ANYTHING would set me off and did set me off. I was jealous of everyone else for one reason or another. Never happy about what I looked like. Always picking people apart in my mind, which just made me more bitter. Inmature. Thinking I knew what was best for me and that no one else ''understood''. I was super flirty with certain people, (there is a difference she is known for being a flirt with anything male that moves, sadly). I "knew" the world MUST revolve around me. I was…. I was a child. And then BAM! Reality check came in, for not the first time in my life. And I decided to change. Cause this is the thing, when something seemingly horrible happens to you, you can do one of a few things. a) You can sit around, moping forever and feel sorry for yourself your whole life. b) Realize that you had no power over the situation and ''move on'' but still carry resentment about it for the rest of your life. OR c) Honestly see the good and the bad and the stuff in between the whole ordeal, find lessons, learn the lessons, and then leave everything, except the lessons, in the past and actually move on, making yourself a smarter, better, more mature person then before. I like to think and hope that I did option c) because I honestly think I am smarter then a year ago (Pre-Life lesson), Im better then I was in all aspects then a year ago. And I am definitely more mature then I was a year ago…Hmm…maybe thats it! Maybe thats why! When she had her Perfect-World-Bubble pop she chose and option. But she choose Option a), maybe thats why she is so annoyed by me. Because she knows I chose Option C)… I don't know its possible, its actual probable. Add this new burst of knowledge to the fast that Dorian isn't giving her the time of day anymore, but is unfortunately giving me all the time in the day. Add this too the fact, she knows about him making such a scene, and she can see he is still continuing because every time we pass he smiles and waves at me. Add this to the fact, that I can tell she misses him and yes in fact, would get back with him, if he gave her the chance. (That last part sadly is not just me thinking, its becoming a common fact among…well….everyone. Except for her parents.) Add all that up and you got why, she dislikes me, in a strange twisted way. What I take away from all of this new knowledge is that…well 1) I have two people behind me, incredibly jealous of anything I do, or have done to me. Even though, they really have no reason to be jealous. I mean come on! Look at me! Nuff Said Man! 2) Things are NEVER how you first think they are. 3) I am very glad I didn't start retaliating back at them, cause then I would actually have something to feel guilty about, more then just being alive that is. 3) It is NEVER a good idea to compare yourself with other people. Its like I am constantly having to re-remember this. 4) I think just maybe, JUST MAYBE its possible I hold more cards then I think I do. Cause like if I didn't known of this jealousy stuff would make sense. Don't worry its not going to go to my head cause its a 'just maybe, JUST MAYBE' thought. But it gives me something that I can ponder on next time, I feel really down about being me. You never know! just maybe JUST MAYBE I have something going for me….just maybe…Thoughts?

-----After hours-----

This is my favorite time of day. Around 9 o'clock. Everyone else is winding down in the rooms and going to sleep and I get to come outside in the pack covered porch area, and study. I get to study whatever I want. I have my little make-shift table and my chair and my books and my coffee and I am happy here. This is the best part of my night, right here. I can be myself in this study time, that I have. If I need to cry and can muster up the tears, I can. No one can see me, no one can hear me. This is my favorite time of the night, its just my personal time to study and meditate. :) I love this time! I just finished preparing for my study with Eira for tomorrow, 'Family Happiness' Book. The material for Osiris's study is already studied from a previous Bible study in Mexico, BUT I am going to re-read and think about it. Its important to figure out beforehand what points you want to bring out. What illustrations will reach the heart of your student. Because they are all different. Tomorrow I will also talk with Osiris about starting each study with a prayer. I am never sure as to when I should start, starting the study with a prayer. If I do it to early they might feel uncomfortable seeing as they are just barely learning the basics. If I start to late, they will wonder why I didn't start beforehand. But I think this is a good time to start with her, she is sincere about learning. The other day when we were walking, we were talking about…hmmm…what were we talking about. Oh yeah! Somehow we got on the topic of how we are both single. And she said her plan was to keep studying, finish her university education, continue working in her little store, build her house up a little nicer, and then she wanted to find a man, on her terms. A good man, she mentioned no one here would qualify, seeing as the only "good" one was related to her (Dorian). Anyways, the point is. She wants to keep studying its in her plans. And it was the first thing that she mentioned, which was nice to hear. Anyways, this is a good time to start I do believe. :) I got some scriptures ready for the conversation… Ezra 7:10- He prepared his heart to consult the law of Jehovah and to do it. Acts 16:14,15- Jehovah opened Lydia's heart wide to pay attention to the words being spoken. Nehemiah 8:5,6,8,12- Ezra opened the book…he blessed Jehovah…to which the people answered 'Amen! Amen!'… They went off happy 'for they had understood the words that had been made known to them." Ta-da! I don't think I will need the scriptures with her, but either way I am prepared for it! :) Today's personal study session for the night will be her questions from last week. Since I was gone on Wednesday, the day I had planned to research it all, I have to do it tonight, because I study with her tomorrow. I pretty much explained to her that when the Bible says the 144,000 are virgins (Rev. 14:4) its speaking of their spiritual sense. So now I need to look up some information on Revelation 21:2, in specific 'New Jerusalem' and how its a symbolic city coming down out of heaven not a literal one. But what is an easy-to-understand explanation of what the New Jerusalem represents, without making her completely confused and have more questions. ((Oh Ow! Stress headache!! But why?!…I know why actually…))