Day 114-Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

Day 114-Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

Well in total I have now spent $213.00 USD on medical expenses here. Isn't that just lovely?! :D Im so excited to be able to waste my and now my mothers money like that! :) ITs so AWESOME! I am so privileged to be able to spend this kind of money! :l My mom had to send me money today. $2500.00 Mexican Pesos, which with the conversion rate and the fee for taking it out of the bank, gave me $180.00 USD. Technically I would have $180.00 for the month of May. Which is more then enough, so technically I would have been able to spread, but SPREAD it out for about a month and a half. But thats technically, not literally. Because literally. The second I had the money in my wallet, and closed my wallet. Walked to the next building over, I had to open my wallet again and pay the laboratory and doctor and then pharmacy. And guess how much I got the privilege of wasting today on that? Doctors visit- $10.00USD Laboratory Exams- $ 36.00USD Pharmacy drugs- $50.00. Thats right I spent $95.00USD today on medical bills. Which means in total I have now spent $213.00USD on medical expenses!! So $180.00 MINUS $95.00 EQUALS $85 dollars left… Monthly expenses at the house is $50.00. Which means I would have $35.00USD left for the month, thats for transportation and internet and minutes on my phone. BUT then I had to buy a few necessities for the month and the house which took out $10.00. Leaving $25.00 for the month. Then of course, since I was out of the house I had to buy food for lunch, spend money on transportation, and FINE FINE! I splurged and treated myself today, and do you know what?! Tampons! Tampons and a $2.00 thing of Seco!! That was my treat! Seriously! How sad is that! Either way take out another $18.30 for all of that. PLUS I had bought Mayka the kind of folder she has been looking for and needing in her store. It was going to be a gift to say 'Thank You' for being so awesome lately and taking me to 2 different doctors and lending me money and take care of all of us. It would have been a really lame gift in comparison for everything she has done for us and continues to do. But it was all I could get. $3.00 and the stupid ugly face man, didn't put the folder in my bag and I was running to catch the bus and I didn't check to see if it was in there. So I bought the stupid folder but left the store without it. The store lets this guy "help" although it just slows everything down. Because he is very slow, in many ways. Sadly he is like a big child. Anyways, every piece of merchandise he asks if he should put it in the bag with the others. He slows all the lines down, but they still let him "help" out. I have no problem with that, but seriously! I don't have money to be wasting. He said something about how pretty my folder was, and that he really liked it. And then its not there. Come on! UGH! Whatever, either way! I now had $16.00 left for the month…Transportation back home took $3.30 on the bus and then because this bus also took SOOOO long to get to Sereno I missed the bus going back to San Antonio and had to take a taxi. Normally $10.00, the oh so nice taxi man only charged me $8.00 thank goodness. But still how much does that leave me for the rest of the month?! $16.00 - $11.00 EQUALS $5.00. I have FIVE DOLLARS and the month literally just started yesterday! And I am supposed to not be stressing anymore. So my doctor told me. Oh yeah! I have a parasite! and now an infection! and according to him WAY TOO MUCH STRESS in my life! He literally told me 'You can't continue like this! Its dangerous! It makes the infection worse and the stress is what is making you the most sick. You need to change something drastic and quick. Change what gives you the most stress. Just get rid of it, and then you should be better.' So now I just have to figure out how to get rid of THEM and get more money and not kill myself from the stress oh yeah and I have $5.00 to do it with! WOW!! STRESS-HEADACHE! Oh good lord its a BIG one! I don't think it was a good idea to buy the Seco cause the first thing that ran through my mind right now was 'I need a drink!' YIKES! I am going to go to bed now, before I am tempted to drink all of the Seco tonight. Plus to get rid of my headache I am going to bed. I have no money people! You can't live without money! And Im $5.00 away from being COMPLETELY out! Oh yeah! PLUS, it costs $3.30 to get back to Volcan in case I get more money. So really I have $1.70!! for the month! Do you really realize how expensive Panama is?! Its basically American prices here for stuff. Can anyone reading this, live the whole month with a dollar seventy?! I don't think so! I need help. I think I should see a shrink or something for all this stress. But then I would be in debt even worse. PLUS I still owe Mayka money for the first Volcan medical expenditure AND Nixon! Oh good lord! I need a…sleep. Im going to bed. Oh yeah ,side note. AGAIN 2nd day we don't have ANY water in the house !That won't be stressful for me at all! When I get super stressed if I work out I feel better. But I can't really do Insanity and get all my stress and anger out in an hour and a ½ workout when there is no water to wash way the sweat! oh wow! I need something. I need a good night sleep and something to calm me down. But then we meet the problem I mentioned to all of you that last nights blog. Im going insane people. I can't keep up like this! Like seriously! The doctor literally told me I CAN NOT keep up like this. His face was really stern and he was like for your health you CAN'T do it! Only old people are supposed to hear things like that, oh my goodness, I am like an old person on the inside. My organs must be all smoothy and old looking! I think I need a good night sleep and a good cry. Neither of which are going to happen. Im also STILL dehydrated so I literally can't spare the moisture to cry. I need something people, and whatever it is. I ain't getting it right now. Still open for any and every suggestion you might have out there!  Night world.