Day 122- Thursday, May 10th, 2012

Day 122- Thursday, May 10th, 2012

I miss living with my family…that was my first thought today. I miss living with people who understand me, love me, care about me, and really know me. I got the lovely surprise of getting a lecture this morning. About how we all have to do our part, even though they kept saying I am doing my part, so I don't really understand what the lecture was about. But they mentioned that lately I have seemed very preoccupied and it like I am in a different world…New flash my dear un-attached-to-reality roommates. That is what happens when you are stressed. The couple is now ''more comfortable'' here at the house, seeing as they are now on spewing terms with 2 of the 3 of us. And they haven't mentioned going home this month, in a while, which is some food-for-thought, ya know. After the girls left, I had the house to myself. I did some of my INSANITY work out for today, just enough to get the juices going. But the day I dislike the most is Thursdays in my workout because its a recovery day, and to me it feels worthless that I do this day. I showered, cleaned my room, and came into the kitchen partly to cook something and partly to try and study something. I have a very uneasy feeling about today, and I don't know why. But I don't like it. I shall make patacones and french fries now. Every few days, I lessen the amount of sugar I put in my black coffee, its getting pretty low. And my coffee is seemingly a lot blacker and stronger. Im stressed about this talk and I have a very uneasy feeling about it. I still don't know why though.

-----After a lunch break---------------

Oh now I know why I am stressed! The sister whom I have the talk with just called me. No before this happened something else happened!! Rebe just told me that Mayka told her, her mom isn't going to be my house-holder. Because she just wasn't feeling up to it. But its really because I didn't want to change my talk, to what she wanted. Because I like living…for the time being anyways. So I got the wonderful news that I have now like 2 hours to find a replacement house-holder. THEN The sister called me to tell me she re-wrote the parts she wanted changed and timed it and we would be good on timing. Around this time the Ortiz's got home so I had to go into the back area (my study area) to have a whispered hushed conversation in which I needed to be using my voice to show that I would not be backing down. Kind of hard to do when your whispering. Anyways, I tried explaining to the sister why I honestly could not change the talk and she kept insisting. And so finally I had to tell her 'Listen, sister, I appreciate your help in trying to fix my talk but Im sorry I am not changing it.' She wasn't pleased. But we are going to have one more practice before the meeting starts. How she complied to my request makes me believe that she is going to try again and change it on our final practice…She must not like me since she is trying to get me killed. 

-----After meeting----

Hmm well that was different. I was right, Sister Leticia tried to change it last minute, but I stood my ground. And suffered the consequences of having her speed read through her parts with no emotion whatsoever. So I was ½ a minute short on my time. And I could tell I was gonna be to short which made me nervous and forgot that my point was on bring out the main points of the scriptures. But I was totally freaking out. And ended up only emphasizing 1 thing in the whole talk, plus the being short on the timing, got me a lovely FAIL. And so my next talk I have the same point…I don't even remember when the last time was that I failed a talk. :( It made me sad, I felt like a…well…failure. Made me really sad. But its ok, I just know I should have passed it! I always pass! I never fail…but I did this time. Oh well, at least I live to see another day. :) And at least I go to give a talk right? :) There is something to be happy about!